Finding a Way through the Painful Purging Process Part I

The first step in organizing yourself, your home, your office is to purge. This is usually the hardest step. I was recently trying to find space for magazines that covered a 20 foot dining room table, many of them dating back to 5 years ago or more which still had not been read. I kept wondering if they ever would be read.

Is there a purpose in keeping items that will never be read, used or needed? Or more importantly, can you accept that if you’ve had a magazine for more than 2 years, that perhaps it’s time to admit to yourself you don’t have time to read it.

Where do you put it all when there simply is no more space available? Will you be able to start to purge, to accept that letting something go doesn’t make you a failure? To limit the items you bring into your home? Can you accept responsibility, take action and maybe look forward to a new beginning in a home or office that has spaces not covered in something?

In our society, we’ve become major collectors. Seeming to have an insatiable need to gather as much stuff as we possibly can before we die, yet there is a downside to collecting everything: we don’t have the space. I’ve seen this obstacle solved by clients renting out or buying more space. Perhaps a second home is purchased for their belongings. Maybe they rent storage lockers. Does this solve the problem? Are you truly enjoying and using what you have? Do you even remember you have it? Would you be able to find the item if and when you did find time to read it or use it?

To successfully become organized the first step is to take responsibility for the decisions you make when purchasing an item and not react to the emotional levels purchasing items often bring. When deciding to bring a new item into your home or office, ask yourself:

1. Do I already own something like this?
2. Do I really like this item?
3. Do I need this item?
4. Will I use this item?
5. Do I have room for this item in my home?
6. Can I part with something else in order to make room for this item?
7. If I buy this item and I find that after 6 months to 1 year that I haven’t used the item, will I be willing to part with it so someone else can use or enjoy it?

If most of your answers are no, then you’re not ready to take responsibility for the items you own. Most likely you’ll let the emotional high of the purchase take over. Perhaps you’re having a difficult day and buying that magazine, book or blouse will make you feel better for the time being. Much like buying food such as candy or chips, the immediate gratification is there until you bring it home. Once the food is consumed, the guilt sets in. Once the blouse sits with its tag still on gathering dust in a corner, the guilt sets in. Often you convince yourself (not well) that you will, in fact wear that item, read that book, use whatever thing you bought to make yourself feel better. Just like the food binger promises they’ll diet. If that promise happens, great! However, more often than not, it’s a way to lie to ourselves as yet another quick fix towards feeling better about ourselves while ignoring the real problem.

The real problem with not purging is that chaos comes out of it. Clothing is pushed to the back of the closet never to be found or worn again. Items you love get lost or don’t last as long because they’re mistreated. Magazines and other reading materials get placed on top of one another creating large piles of paper which then attracts dust.

Stress and chaos become part of your life – the mounting wall of items that are accumulating makes space feel smaller and you are no longer rested in that environment. The feeling that you can never catch up on your reading becomes a nagging feeling and you feel stressed that there’s not enough time to get to everything. Energy is sucked out of you by your environment.

So the first step to avoiding that awful feeling of failure is to figure out why you’re buying those items you don’t use in the first place.

If you need help assessing your items and going through the purging process, contact Alison Kero at Gotham Concierge for a consultation. She provides free 15 minute consultations to new clients and is available in person in the NYC area and via Skype in the U.S. and Canada. She can be contacted at: 646-831-9625 or info@gothamconcierge.com.

Sometimes You Just Have to Throw Stuff Out

Stuff. Everyone has plenty of it. The late comedian George Carlin had a hysterically funny bit he performed based on stuff and how we have to buy bigger homes and rent storage space just to keep up with our stuff.

There’s an amazing amount of stuff that people accumulate. Whether it’s things you buy, things you receive from attending an event, gifts people buy for you or however you got it, you’ve now got a household full of stuff.

Stuff can become overwhelming and take over your home. Last week I worked with a client to purge some of the stuff that was now threatening to take over too much space in the apartment she shares with her husband. I realized that the reasons she had kept most of the stuff were the same reasons most of us hold on to stuff. First, she didn’t know what to do with the stuff she didn’t really want or didn’t really need. Secondly, people sometimes feel that if there’s free space, it should be filled up with stuff and lastly, she kept the stuff because of environmental guilt.

So let’s tackle these problems one at a time. You don’t know what to do with your stuff. So here’s how to figure out what to do with it. Ask yourself these questions: have you used the item in the past year? No? Get rid of it. Has the stuff expired as medicines, make up, lotions, perfumes, etc? Yes? Get rid of it. Many of these items only last for a year or so and could be harmful to you. And finally, the questions you should always ask yourself when looking at what you currently own or wish to buy: do I like it and do I need it?

If you don’t like something such as jewelry given to you 20 years ago and no longer wear it, get rid of it. If you don’t need 30 pairs of shoes or 20 t-shirts, get rid of the one’s you no longer wear, look like they’re falling apart or don’t fit properly anymore.

Second problem: Filling up free space because it’s there. Free space is nice. Free space allows you to have free flowing thoughts, reduces clutter, saves time and helps you find everything quickly. Filled up space means clutter, things forgotten about, losing items, spending time finding those items, buying more items that you have because you can’t find them and on and on and on. Free space is good. Free space is what you want. Just because you have free space does not mean that you need it filled. If you allow yourself time to get used to the free space, you’ll find how beneficial it is. It’s like learning to enjoy silence, at first, it seems almost odd in a world where there seems to be noise everywhere, but once you get used to the silence, it becomes something to be cherished and held on to. Enjoy the free space.

Last problem: Environmental guilt. Okay, I made this term up myself, but I think it’s something many of my clients and me as well suffer from. Most of my clients care deeply about the environment. They recycle, they reuse and they reduce. So when they end up collecting tons of samples of items or are given gifts or start holding on to things they don’t really want, need or use, they end up feeling guilty. They could probably recycle the small sample jar of face cream, but there are several jars and there’s little time and it’s a lot of effort. Let the guilt go. Some times you just have to throw stuff out. Not everything can be recycled, reduced or reused.

If there are places to donate those items in your area, please, by all means do so. However, not everything can be donated. Sometimes there is no need for the items you don’t want or, due to laws (such as donating mattresses due to the bed bug problem) you can’t donate used items. Throw your stuff out in the garbage and while you’re at it, throw out the guilt as well.

Feeling badly because you’re tossing out items you think could be useful somewhere is waste of time. Just throw them out and think: I’m allowing myself the freedom to enjoy what I possessions I have chosen to keep. I’m allowing myself the freedom to throw things out that can’t be reused or recycled and the planet will not spiral into more peril because I did that. Guilt alone never saved anyone or anything so allowing it to control your life and your stuff is a waste of time and energy.

I hope this article has helped those of you who are beginning to feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff accumulating in your life. Whether it’s physical stuff at your home or office or even emotional stuff, there’s no room in your life to keep it all. Choose what you want to surround yourself with, who you want to surround yourself with and what makes you happy and you’ll find purging unwanted items, emotions and unhealthy relationships quickly become a thing of the past.

If you need help or support purging these items, please contact Alison Kero at: 646-831-9625 or e-mail her at: info@gothamconcierge.com to schedule an appointment. I accept in person appointments in the New York City area and I welcome all phone consultations anywhere nation wide. Good luck on purging out the negative and getting rid of unwanted stuff!